The last couple of years haven’t been the best. Coming out to myself and trying to figure out where that left me as gay and Muslim kind of ruined me a little bit.
It’s a year to the day that I first found out I was successful in gaining a place on a teacher training course. And in London for that matter. The year prior had been pretty horrible. Some really shitty mental health issues, family problems, deterioration of uni work and other such crapness. I’d decided I needed to get out of my family home and this town and the only place I could think to go to was London.
I completed the move in September 2012 and apart from a couple of “omg, I moved to London whathaveIdone?!” moments, things are really good. I’ve made so many new friends from such different walks of life. I’ve done things I never thought I would, I’ve learnt so much about who I am and what I want out of life and quite importantly, what I DON’T want.
I’ve realised that my calling IS teaching. I’ve loved my training year so far (apart from the essays!) and have secured a permanent job to start in September. I have people who I can call if I’m in need of hug. I can be as open as I like about myself without caring what others will think. I’ve grown to like myself, quite a lot actually. My self-esteem has massively increased and I no longer need other people to validate how I feel about myself. I’m content. Even happy a lot of the time. I have a lot that I want out of life. Life is nowhere near perfect, but hey, how boring would that be? I like having things to strive for, work harder for.
Religiously, I’m weird. I’ve never felt further away from my faith yet simultaneously I feel closer to it than ever before. I’m a better person and I believe I’m now more loving and accepting of others. However, my day to day living doesn’t always live up to the traditions and practices I have been raised to live up to. I don’t have any issues with that though. To me, the next few years are about learning to find my place and love myself. Getting comfortable with and discovering more about my personal religious beliefs will hopefully come with that. I’m not forcing anything. Whatever happens will happen.
So I guess this was a good point to reflect. There’s lots more detail I could’ve gone into. I guess the important thing for me is that I feel good. And what more could I want right now?